I'm shaking like a dog shitting razor blades

do it

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 05:23:19 GMT

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 03:40:40 GMT

I got new slippers. They're black and really soft. It's okay be to jealous

This is the first time i've updated in a year? maybe.

i dont care

Short solution to a long term problem,I stabbed myself just for the scar to see if Id feel something

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 01:30:14 GMT

Right now, I have the biggest headache ever invented and the 4 hours of testing sure as fuck didn't make it any better. I'm way too stressed out about everything and I don't even care about anything I'm doing. I honestly don't want to go to college. I just want to work at some stupid job, sleep and buy some cds.
I guess I'm trying so my parents will leave me alone. Sucks for me...
3 more days until break 3 more days 3 more day until break 3 more days 3 more days 3 days 3 days
3 is my lucky number but these 3 days will be hell.
School can go hang itself in my closet. I'd point and laugh then close the door.
Ugh I'm done being so morbid for now.
Not only does school suck but everyone in it. But I guess everyone also has shit going on and I'm not the only one. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I have a really bad headache, it's so bad I've mentioned it twice.
This entry has taken a bad turn into boring so I'll end it.

holding on to the memory of what didn't last, waiting for better words, they'll never come

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 04:30:40 GMT

Ummmmm, so basically it's finals week which kinda blows a lot but you already know that...SOOOO anywayyyy
Kiana and I are offically college students and we FINALLY have a class together, it's going to be so chill besides the actual school part...I'm just hopeing we won't be buried alive in work.
I really owe Kiana like everything cuz I've been upset about annoying stuff and she's been nice enough to listen, hahah. Oh and Lauren too, I just haven't seen her during our normal mornings of PE since they haven't been in session.
Oh man I hardly ever update and when I do it's so boring, is this boring guys? I can't really tell.
FUCK YOU THEN it's my thing I'll write whatever the fuck I want, gooooshh.
Well you've just experienced some road rage of Talya, this moment was brought to you thanks to umm...stress???
ok well uhhh so yea

if i don't lift a finger long enough well every body's bound to forget about me

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 04:15:35 GMT

Nothing too notable has been happening.
School, tests, homework, and all that fun stuff. Minus it being fun. I'm actually reading good books so that's not too bad, fight club is pretty much the best movie and book.
Right now I'm in my room listening to music and about 15 screaming middle schoolers. fun fun
40ish days until the matchbook romance concert. I haven't gotten excited yet so I'm not going to pretend to...well not now.
Oh man but I am excited about warped tour, which is funny cuz I don't even know the dates or bands or anything. haha what a loser. I just hope alkaline trio plays because if they do it barely matters who else.
I really want pop rocks bad. but since I'm in a fight with just about everyone living in this house I doubt I can get a ride and it's kinda far too walk to a drug store.

have a weak week!

This is Talya, over and out...

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 06:44:29 GMT

Friends only, so if you've found yourself reading this, comment and you'll be added.

you should have never come here alone you should have never come here at all

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 00:54:56 GMT

-waking up at 5 am
-getting picked up by the lovely Ryann and Anabel
-waiting in line 6-9 talking about...stuff... to get CD and wrist bands
-waiting from 9-2 to see the show, with plenty of hot sun, stops to the liquor store, and hearing Anabel's and Ryann's life stories(which we're funny)
-Seeing Taking Back Sunday playe: Cute Without the E, Set Phasers to Stun, A Decade Under the Influence, This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)
-Back to in line for to meet the 5 of them and get cds signed.
End of the day: My feet hurt, i have a wrist band tan, and i stink
this day couldn't have been better

i'm a has been that was heckled on the stage

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 19:23:45 GMT

My plans for mammoth have been canceled this weekend. I'm suppose to go with Katrina and her dad but something came up and it's been postponed until the next week. Too bad for me. But now that plans are canceled, I might be able to go to the House of Blues concert I wanted to go to, or to see Rebecca's brothers band, American Minority. But, if we go to mammoth next week, I won't be able to see Gertie Fox and that's a big downer. And, knowing my luck, I'll be home tomorrow night watching movies from blockbuster.

I'm still losing what's left of my self esteem and Im still watching the slow fading of my day dream

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 04:03:50 GMT

I've been helping out at a preschool regularly because of the measly 10 bucks pay. The kids are really cute and it's some what entertaining. Though I'd rather sleep in late and do nothing, but 10 bucks adds up.
Ryann and I are planning on going to some concerts and hopefully they'll work out, but I need to remember to call her, but now I can't find the phone and I dont feel like leaving to security of my room.
I had some other stuff to say but they've lost importance. Hopefully everyone is having a good summer. Mines alright, I'm just petrified of it coming to an end...

so you broke down trying to leave town, i broke down crying on your return

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 21:04:16 GMT

warped tour was fucking fantastic. Ryann and I decided that Alkaline Trio had the best preformance, Taking Back Sunday had the craziest pit, and that sunblock shouldnt just be a suggestion. now the after effects of warped hurt, i have a lot of bruises and i can't breathe in deeply, oh and i have black boogers, i blew my nose and the tissue was black and i was like what the fuck...oh and my voice is coming back slowly...too bad. since i messed up and everything i wrote got earsed that is all i will say. if you care to know anymore simply ask. How was your week?

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 07:48:13 GMT

I'm going to do an actual update man, so hold on to your chairs. Today began with an abrupt call from Salma at 8... I wasn't aware that 8 exists during summer, but I guess I just didn't get the memo. So we talk and I eventuallygo back to bed but to only be waken again to visit the doctors. After, I go around poking my new shot cuz it feels funny. My mom and i go to some places and I talk her into buying me a guitar clock, which is fucking awesome in my opinion. My mother and I finally arrive home and I decide to assist her in a preparation in cooking for a dinner party the following day (she's been buying me a lot of stuff lately and I felt I owe it to her...). I help for a bit, then take a long shower and go to pick up katie. We come back to my house and watch a bit of drive thru records dvd. Afterwards, we venture on my cruiser bikes (which katie was embarrassedto ride) and go to TBCY (I think thats it). We get some ice cream and ride back. The ride was fun cuz my steering wheel is screwed so I was like wow...im screwed, oh and it was fun to chat and freak cars out...heh. But we make it home safely. once we're back home, we just hang out in my room. This weekend's going to be fun, Nita's sleeping over tomorrow. Then on Sunday Katie, Yael, and myself are going to watch 'notebook' and have a sleepover before Yael's unfortionate departure to spain. If this was excessively long, my apologies

there's nowhere left to hide, in no one to confide, the truth burns deep inside, and will never die

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 00:34:37 GMT

birthdays suck, especially mine

good to know that if i ever need attention all i need to do is die

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 00:27:03 GMT

summmmmmmmer time and the living's easy

Fri, 21 May 2004 21:36:23 GMT

*gasp*

oh my, it feels like christmas in may

this has surely made my day less dreadful

thanks to jaime you can see pictures

Fri, 21 May 2004 03:48:31 GMT

hey look its me

this is peter priest buddy, he was made by layla and myself years ago, yes he is dead sexy

this is the monster in my closet called

i'm twirling around and round and round...wow dizzy

I've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know I have

Tue, 18 May 2004 04:56:45 GMT

Monday's suck. i have too many upcoming projects and assignments to accomplish in my english class. i ordered 15 cds and bought a digital camera today, and miraculously i'm not technically broke, not yet at least. i also got a futon which i brought up to my room and covered in checkers today, it doesn't look too inviting yet, but perhaps with a few butts it'll be on its way. hmm, without meaning to be hypocritical, i find writing online journals somewhat pointless if used for an actual journal because it loses any personal touch because its here for everyone's eyes to read, sorry if mine is boring since i'd rather confind in something more discrete and well, personal. i use this to merely tell everyone how boring my life is, if they haven't figured it out already. well, i'm looking forward to taking many pictures of the most random shit. uhhh...

and i'm still in love yea im still in love with you

Wed, 12 May 2004 02:35:20 GMT

salma's better and we've been making plans to do stuff. no more hospital soon. salma i fucking love you. i'm not really up to talking lately, i just wanted to talk about my dear friend salma. i think me and salma will end up to be those really old couples that do everything together and feed birds. the ones that go to denny's at like 5 am and fight over everything but love eachother more then everything...i can't wait.

dont leave me high, dont leave me dry

Fri, 07 May 2004 23:49:52 GMT

well i'm in a bit of a rush but i just couldn't go without saying this for all the people who read this, though in not sure if anyone does. i want to, and shall, thank KATRINA for making me happy. i have been feeling shitty and this week hasnt made it any better but today on the way to my locker i was addressed by lovely katrina. so i go to her and she gives me a beatiful cake with icing and sprinkles and all. i was contemplating any reasons that would provide this cake but, according to katrina it was just cuz. wow i love you katrina and i will do something to return that lovely favor. well i have a party to attend and i need a shower and some getting ready. yea....

you always get hit out of no where

Fri, 07 May 2004 03:31:19 GMT

you told me that you want to die, i said i've been there myself more then a few times and i go back every once in a while
-alkaline trio

there's no lesson to be learn except to never fall in love AGAIN

Sat, 01 May 2004 19:15:32 GMT

well it's the weekend...to bad its almost over even though it barely begun. last night kiana and lauren slept over. it was so awesome man. i have a music room at my house, but its not part of my actually house, its like a wanna be guest room that smells awesome(it used to be a recording studio). so kiana lauren and i found all blankets and pillows that aren't in use and took them away for a sleep over (or as chapman says slumber party). but then we went back inside and made pizza...or kiana made it, i just put the cheese on. oh and we watched the funnest shit ever. klaymation (clay animation). if you want to see it go to http://knoxskorner.com/ and click on movies. then click on archieve or something and watch all of them cuz they're funny as fuck, thats right, funny as FUCK. so it became 9:15 and i was like...hmm maybe we should watch the movies so we watched dazed and confused and mallrats (thanks to daneilla for the recommendations). yea well so we did some other stuff but i dont think it matters. yea well now its a billion trillion plus some degrees and we're all going to melt man. so watch out for that sun...it can kill you...right?

what if i told you that your a stupid whoar and i want nothing your life is such a bore to me

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 03:15:51 GMT

man am i sick of school.
man am i sick of the sun
man am i sick of those mother fucking bugs all over fucking school
haha i was hyperventilating there but i'm done. yea well i found the 3 cds i 'lost' but weren't lost, i just forgot where i put them. i'm listening to the rxbandits because i miss them, this is a funny cd. well block scheduling is not that bad, but it is bad. during 5th period i start freaking out and cant consentrate because it should have been over an hour ago. during english today my teacher told us to annomously write down stuff our parents do illegally. its funny because they break a lot of rules and stuff expect us to not. their highest fault is related to driving but there are a few like abuse and i think even murder, i just think that was not cool at all. then we had to write shit our friends or people we know do that they arent suppose to. mostly drugs, stealing, destruction of propery, gafedy, and again murder. yea people gots to stops this killing. i'm hoping its jsut a joke cuz it wasnt that funny. then we had to write what we did, and me being the paranoid person i am just wrote like 2 that werent so bad. HAHA ISNT THIS INTERESTING...no

just some words or advice, maybe you've heard them before but here i go

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 02:31:34 GMT

wow i'm exhausted for some reason. i didnt do much this week. i was suppose to meet salma but she was too sick, i might see her tomorrow if she descides to go to school, i dont care though, as long as she gets better, thats all that matters. well i saw Taylor yesterday and today i went to work and did stuff for a project with nita and kaite and after went to a brunch. man maybe i am tired because the divine secrets of the ya ya sisters suck ass. ugh that just ruined my awakness. i dont know, i just haven't been feeling too great lately. i'm not sure if you're suppose to feel the way i do, it just doesn't seem right. oh, me kiana and lauren bought some harry potter jelly beans, the ones with flavor like vomit and sardines, haha i cant wait to 'test' them out...hopefully you won't be my subject...no i would never do that. if you want a grody bean of jelly tell me. i think i have some homework i should probably attend to. hmm i remember i had something meaningful to say, well it probably wasn't important anyway

you have to know who & why,which ones miss you when you die

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 00:51:15 GMT

I fell in love with these words and thought to share:
This music is a map from the depths of the blackest hearts, this black heart filled only with the faintest reflection of life's blood. A skull awaits you in the center. If you make it through the darkest night of your existence and recognoize deaths harmless face you will arrive again in the center, the blood red center of your own pulsating heart.

Listen, Music shall be your guide in these hopeless times, an alkaline concoction, a three-ingredient potion, to open your eyes to the trust of this incarnation's, betrayals, failures and inevitable sorrow. The trio knows where you need to go. The music will accompany you until it becomes you. Nothing you now know will survive the sometimes brutal and always beautiful revelations you have come to witness.

Follow only the deepest of you intuitions. Surrender to this, trust the dark nights and darker days. Love surely awaits and shall be yours only if you can learn to tolerate the horror of your own mind, the loneliness of your broken soul and fullness of your desire.

Slitting your wrists or drowning your sorrows only prolongs this arduous journey, you will simply meet deaths simple skull in the depth of the blackest night and be issued a new form. This path has no end, you will travel and travel until your burning feet crumble in to ash. You have died over and over, only to rise again There is no escape. you are already dead.

You are doomed to live the same suffering and same confusion until you trust the music's direction and follow the three formless apparitions through the city of lost loves, broken hearts and hungry ghosts.

God had abandoned you.
Fear does not serve you.
Your heart has betrayed you.
Only the music can guide you.

-Noah levine

another day down the drain

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 00:30:26 GMT

i'm suddenly really upset. i talked on the phone from 1-5 today. i woke up at 1. spring break is basically over and ugh. i wrote some rhyming words last night that i consider good, too bad my judgment doesn't matter. salma's back from the hospital and is ok. she had stomache problems.

put your clothes on

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 07:40:40 GMT

It was a taunting reminder of how cruel and unruly the world can be. When they said “Silly rabbit trixs are for kids.” Why couldn’t they give the poor rabbit some cereal...that’s all he wanted...